So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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