So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
