Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
