): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
