i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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