I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
