Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
