so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
