We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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