I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
