Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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