my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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