im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
