I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
