just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
