is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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