he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
