life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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