I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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