I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
