She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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