dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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