Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
