as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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