Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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