I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
