How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
