First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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