I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
