I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
