I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
