its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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