U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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