party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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