I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
