OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I want her autograph on my taint
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
