You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize