It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
