How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
