I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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