Me too!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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