You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
