I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
