I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
