Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
