i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
