Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
