paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize