Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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