if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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