did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
