Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
