Where did you get a picture of my penis
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
