my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
