After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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