girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
