So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
