Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
