Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
