I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
