I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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