Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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