I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
