I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
