Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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