You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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