Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
