i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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