I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm always down for nudity.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
